{"product_id":"ice-i-cooked-everything-apron-political-parody-kitchen-apron","title":"ICE — I Cooked Everything Apron | Political Parody Kitchen Apron","description":"\u003ch2 data-end=\"321\" data-start=\"293\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"319\" data-start=\"296\"\u003eProduct Description\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"361\" data-start=\"322\"\u003eOfficial-looking. Completely unserious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"664\" data-start=\"363\"\u003eThis apron delivers sharp political parody with a straight face, pairing a faux-government seal aesthetic with a phrase that feels oddly… self-explanatory. Designed to look authoritative while saying absolutely everything (and nothing) at once, it’s perfect for cooks who appreciate satire served dry.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"903\" data-start=\"666\"\u003eWhether you’re grilling, hosting, or just making a statement in the kitchen, this apron balances humor, comfort, and durability. It’s bold enough to be noticed, subtle enough to pass a second glance, and practical enough to actually use.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"970\" data-start=\"905\"\u003eBecause sometimes the message is simple: \u003cstrong data-end=\"970\" data-start=\"946\"\u003eI cooked everything.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"975\" data-start=\"972\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1002\" data-start=\"977\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1000\" data-start=\"980\"\u003eProduct Features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1309\" data-start=\"1003\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1065\" data-start=\"1003\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1065\" data-start=\"1005\"\u003e100% polyester for durability and quick-drying performance\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1120\" data-start=\"1066\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1120\" data-start=\"1068\"\u003eFour buttonholes for attaching or detaching straps\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1189\" data-start=\"1121\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1189\" data-start=\"1123\"\u003eBlack detachable twill straps for an adjustable, comfortable fit\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1252\" data-start=\"1190\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1252\" data-start=\"1192\"\u003eOverlocked seams for reinforced, long-lasting construction\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1309\" data-start=\"1253\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1309\" data-start=\"1255\"\u003eOne-sided print with centered emblem and text design\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1314\" data-start=\"1311\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1342\" data-start=\"1316\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1340\" data-start=\"1319\"\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1479\" data-start=\"1343\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1382\" data-start=\"1343\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1382\" data-start=\"1345\"\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C \/ 90°F)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1400\" data-start=\"1383\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1400\" data-start=\"1385\"\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1422\" data-start=\"1401\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1422\" data-start=\"1403\"\u003eDo not tumble dry\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1458\" data-start=\"1423\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1458\" data-start=\"1425\"\u003eIron, steam, or dry on low heat\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1479\" data-start=\"1459\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1479\" data-start=\"1461\"\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1484\" data-start=\"1481\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1523\" data-start=\"1486\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1521\" data-start=\"1489\"\u003eProduction \u0026amp; Shipping Notice\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1831\" data-start=\"1524\"\u003eThis apron is made to order and produced by one of our manufacturing partners. Because each item is created specifically for your order, slight variations in print placement or color are part of the production process. Made-to-order production helps reduce waste and ensures each piece is made just for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1836\" data-start=\"1833\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1857\" data-start=\"1838\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1855\" data-start=\"1841\"\u003eDisclaimer\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2059\" data-start=\"1858\"\u003eThis product is intended as political satire and parody. All humor is expressive commentary and is not affiliated with or endorsed by any political candidate, party, organization, or government agency.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable style=\"min-width: 360px;\" id=\"size-guide\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 10px;\"\u003e \u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eOne Size\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eLength , in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e30.31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eWidth at waist, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e27.56\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eStrap length, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e22.05\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eStrap width, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.02\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"EpiAl's Shop","offers":[{"title":"One Size","offer_id":48679892877527,"sku":"22865979619363235915","price":34.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"url":"https:\/\/swiftcove-3.myshopify.com\/products\/ice-i-cooked-everything-apron-political-parody-kitchen-apron","provider":"Swiftcove","version":"1.0","type":"link"}