{"product_id":"assigned-human-lifetime-assignment-necklace-cat-lover-parody-pendant","title":"Assigned Human – Lifetime Assignment Necklace | Cat Lover Parody Pendant","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"351\" data-end=\"379\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"354\" data-end=\"377\"\u003eProduct Description\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"380\" data-end=\"443\"\u003eThe designation is permanent. The assignment is non-negotiable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"445\" data-end=\"766\"\u003eThis bold, seal-style pendant officially recognizes what you already know: once chosen, you are an \u003cstrong data-start=\"544\" data-end=\"562\"\u003eAssigned Human\u003c\/strong\u003e for life. Featuring a tender line-art illustration of a person holding their cat, framed inside a formal emblem marked \u003cem data-start=\"682\" data-end=\"706\"\u003e“Lifetime Assignment,”\u003c\/em\u003e this necklace blends warmth with tongue-in-cheek authority.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"768\" data-end=\"1010\"\u003eCrafted from high-quality surgical steel with an optional 18k gold finish, this necklace is equal parts sentiment and satire. It’s a wearable badge of devotion for cat lovers who understand that love isn’t temporary — it’s a lifelong posting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1012\" data-end=\"1078\"\u003eNo appeals process. No term limits. Lifetime assignment confirmed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1080\" data-end=\"1083\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1085\" data-end=\"1110\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1088\" data-end=\"1108\"\u003eProduct Features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1111\" data-end=\"1410\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1111\" data-end=\"1144\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1113\" data-end=\"1144\"\u003ePatent-pending jewelry design\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1145\" data-end=\"1190\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1147\" data-end=\"1190\"\u003eMade from \u003cstrong data-start=\"1157\" data-end=\"1188\"\u003ehigh-quality surgical steel\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1191\" data-end=\"1233\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1193\" data-end=\"1233\"\u003eOptional \u003cstrong data-start=\"1202\" data-end=\"1221\"\u003e18k gold finish\u003c\/strong\u003e available\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1234\" data-end=\"1280\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1236\" data-end=\"1280\"\u003eHypoallergenic and safe for sensitive skin\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1281\" data-end=\"1320\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1283\" data-end=\"1320\"\u003eFull-color printed circular pendant\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1321\" data-end=\"1364\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1323\" data-end=\"1364\"\u003ePolished finish with rich, vivid detail\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1365\" data-end=\"1410\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1367\" data-end=\"1410\"\u003eDesigned for everyday wear without fading\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1412\" data-end=\"1415\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1417\" data-end=\"1444\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1420\" data-end=\"1442\"\u003eProduct Dimensions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1445\" data-end=\"1567\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1445\" data-end=\"1506\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1447\" data-end=\"1506\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1447\" data-end=\"1474\"\u003eLuxury Necklace Length:\u003c\/strong\u003e 18″–22″ adjustable (45–56 cm)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1507\" data-end=\"1567\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1509\" data-end=\"1567\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1509\" data-end=\"1533\"\u003eCircle Pendant Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e 0.9″ × 0.9″ (23.5 mm × 23.5 mm)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1569\" data-end=\"1572\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1574\" data-end=\"1600\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1577\" data-end=\"1598\"\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1601\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1601\" data-end=\"1639\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1603\" data-end=\"1639\"\u003eWipe gently with a soft, dry cloth\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1640\" data-end=\"1700\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1642\" data-end=\"1700\"\u003eAvoid prolonged exposure to water, lotions, or chemicals\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1701\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1703\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003eStore separately to preserve finish and shine\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"EpiAl's Shop","offers":[{"title":"Luxury Necklace (Silver)","offer_id":48679893106903,"sku":"SO-15355395","price":43.96,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Luxury Necklace (Gold)","offer_id":48679893139671,"sku":"SO-15355396","price":59.96,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"url":"https:\/\/swiftcove-3.myshopify.com\/products\/assigned-human-lifetime-assignment-necklace-cat-lover-parody-pendant","provider":"Swiftcove","version":"1.0","type":"link"}