{"product_id":"absolute-comfort-political-parody-throw-blanket-cozy-satire-statement-blanket","title":"Absolute Comfort Political Parody Throw Blanket – Cozy Satire Statement Blanket","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"311\" data-end=\"338\"\u003e📝 Product Description\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"339\" data-end=\"597\"\u003eWrap yourself in peak comfort and unapologetic parody. This ultra-soft throw blanket features a bold faux-official seal design declaring \u003cem data-start=\"476\" data-end=\"525\"\u003e“Absolute Comfort. They’re Talking About This.”\u003c\/em\u003e—a tongue-in-cheek nod to overconfidence, spectacle, and cultural noise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"599\" data-end=\"862\"\u003eThe velveteen front delivers rich color and crisp detail, while the brushed reverse adds an extra layer of cozy softness. It’s warm without being heavy, making it perfect for couch commentary, late-night scrolling, or dramatically existing through the news cycle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"864\" data-end=\"1023\"\u003eAvailable in three versatile sizes, this blanket works just as well as a statement piece as it does a comfort essential. Political satire never felt this soft.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1025\" data-end=\"1132\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1025\" data-end=\"1041\"\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/strong\u003e satire lovers, cozy critics, couch philosophers, and anyone who enjoys warmth with a wink.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1134\" data-end=\"1137\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1139\" data-end=\"1162\"\u003e✨ Product Features\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1163\" data-end=\"1532\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1163\" data-end=\"1221\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1165\" data-end=\"1221\"\u003eVelveteen face with brushed reverse for extra softness\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1222\" data-end=\"1272\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1224\" data-end=\"1272\"\u003eHigh-detail print with vibrant color retention\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1273\" data-end=\"1339\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1275\" data-end=\"1339\"\u003eMedium heavy-weight fabric (~300 g\/m²) for warmth without bulk\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1340\" data-end=\"1391\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1342\" data-end=\"1391\"\u003eDurable double-needle topstitching on all seams\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1392\" data-end=\"1454\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1394\" data-end=\"1454\"\u003e100% polyester (or optional 83\/17 polyester-spandex blend)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1455\" data-end=\"1505\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1457\" data-end=\"1505\"\u003eMeets safety and chemical compliance standards\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1506\" data-end=\"1532\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1508\" data-end=\"1532\"\u003eAvailable in three sizes\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1534\" data-end=\"1537\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1539\" data-end=\"1562\"\u003e📏 Available Sizes\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1563\" data-end=\"1738\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1563\" data-end=\"1622\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1565\" data-end=\"1622\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1565\" data-end=\"1574\"\u003eSmall\u003c\/strong\u003e – Great for lap use, office chairs, or travel\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1623\" data-end=\"1675\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1625\" data-end=\"1675\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1625\" data-end=\"1635\"\u003eMedium\u003c\/strong\u003e – Ideal couch throw or accent blanket\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1676\" data-end=\"1738\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1678\" data-end=\"1738\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1678\" data-end=\"1687\"\u003eLarge\u003c\/strong\u003e – Generous coverage for beds or full-body lounging\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1740\" data-end=\"1743\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1745\" data-end=\"1770\"\u003e🧼 Care Instructions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1771\" data-end=\"1931\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1771\" data-end=\"1810\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1773\" data-end=\"1810\"\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C \/ 90°F)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1811\" data-end=\"1857\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1813\" data-end=\"1857\"\u003eHand washing recommended to extend quality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1858\" data-end=\"1876\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1860\" data-end=\"1876\"\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1877\" data-end=\"1894\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1879\" data-end=\"1894\"\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1895\" data-end=\"1910\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1897\" data-end=\"1910\"\u003eDo not iron\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1911\" data-end=\"1931\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1913\" data-end=\"1931\"\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1933\" data-end=\"1936\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1938\" data-end=\"1974\"\u003e📦 Production \u0026amp; Shipping Notice\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1975\" data-end=\"2225\"\u003eThis blanket is made to order and produced by one of our manufacturing partners. Creating items on demand helps reduce overproduction and waste. Production and shipping times may vary slightly, but each blanket is crafted specifically for your order.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2227\" data-end=\"2230\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2232\" data-end=\"2250\"\u003e⚠️ Disclaimer\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2251\" data-end=\"2446\"\u003eThis product is intended as political satire and parody. All imagery and text are expressive commentary and are not affiliated with or endorsed by any political candidate, party, or organization.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width: 360px;\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 10px;\"\u003e \u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e30\" × 40\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e50\" × 60\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e60\" × 80\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eWidth, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e30.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e50.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e60.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eHeight, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e40.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e60.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e80.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"EpiAl's Shop","offers":[{"title":"30\" × 40\"","offer_id":48679875576023,"sku":"19134148477921909767","price":24.59,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"50\" × 60\"","offer_id":48679875608791,"sku":"25066394900488332078","price":34.75,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"60\" × 80\"","offer_id":48679875641559,"sku":"22812562892673852853","price":43.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"url":"https:\/\/swiftcove-3.myshopify.com\/products\/absolute-comfort-political-parody-throw-blanket-cozy-satire-statement-blanket","provider":"Swiftcove","version":"1.0","type":"link"}